When I think of these people, I feel defeated with sadness. I have listened to them, I took them serious, I thought God wanted me to listen to them. I killed my desires, I went numb for seven years. Because I wanted to do good in God’s eyes. I was further encouraged by the (false) hope these people gave with their great healing stories. I’m now recovering from all this therapy. I do not go to church regularly anymore, because there always seem to be people who want encourage me to be someone else than I am.

I think I’m doing relatively well. But my heart breaks every time I think back of many of the gay Christians and their parents I talked to. They are encouraged to go through reparative therapy, and become depressed to the point they might commit suicide. Is homosexuality really such a grave sin that it’s worth to put people through so much misery? – Of course not, but I only saw this after many years and after many sessions.

May I be forgiven when I feel a something like hatred towards the bigots who preach gay recovery, put people trough hell, and secretly have same-sex.