On Sunday, one of my closest friends in the world, Matt Rogers, told [nlcf] about an issue that he doesn’t want in his life – he told [nlcf] about his struggle with homosexuality. It was a very brave thing to do, as there are people in [nlcf] that will be frustrated at him for struggling with homosexuality while being on staff with a church, especially in the role of pastor. And they will share that frustration with Matt.
There are also people in [nlcf] that will be frustrated by Matt’s belief that homosexuality isn’t something that lines up with God’s plan for us, and as such, he is working to shift to a heterosexual orientation. They would see that plan as unwise and the issue of his sexuality to be a neutral one. And they will share that frustration with Matt as well.
Those of you that have been following the thread about my friend who struggles with his homosexuality… this is the friend. Those that have been reading the blog will notice I changed the title of this thread. Both Matt and (I believe) Curtis made the point I should change it. So…viola…
I thought Matt spoke about his life in a very open, honest and thoughtful way.
I asked if I could share his story.
He graciously agreed.
Matt? Take it away…
A friend from Va. Tech responded to my post last night. He shared a personal experience that I think speaks to the challenge of this issue. He spoke so well, I think the wisest thing I can do is just let him say it… So, Peter?
Jim, I really think you should find some more controversial topics to cover on this blog. You’ve really been playing it safe here.
I’m also torn on this topic, Jim. We went through a time of not having enough money to handle health care costs for our family even though we both have college degrees and I was teaching full time (being a teacher was pretty much the main reason we couldn’t afford it!) so I have a little personal experience on “the other side of things.” Most of the people who are making the decisions and the people that are most upset about it have never had to make the decision whether or not to visit the doctor or get the medicine because of money or insurance coverage. Not everyone that struggles financially and has inadequate health care is a lazy bum taking advantage of welfare and government services. On a teacher’s salary in NC, our family qualified for medicaid services for our kids! I know the government is not the answer to all of our woes, but I think that many people screaming for no health care reform are a bit out of touch with reality in some ways.
I don’t have a solid opinion, but I fall somewhere in the middle wanting a balance of government intervention combined with accountability combined with private charitable help combined with good old-fashioned get out there and work to provide for your family. I guess that means I would be a lousy politician since I want a little slice of everything.
But seriously, Jim, let’s hit some serious topics soon…like puppies vs. kittens. Hope you’re enjoying the snow!
The experience of Tracy and I our first five-ish years of marriage was very similar. I had a college degree and was working with a church, and for at least a few of those years, was WELL under the poverty line. Please know that my wife and I are hard workers and responsible, I even did a stint as medical test subject for extra money, that is dedication eh? That is where we were.
I don’t believe it is the government’s responsibility to step in because the job I felt God was leading my into wasn’t supplying enough income. But I do still very much feel for those that are in the position that I no longer am in.
What are your thoughts on this?
I am torn when it comes to the health care debate. This report about a prominent and wealthy Canadian politician not utilizing Canada’s health care system and instead coming to the US for heart surgery, tears me more.
Now, I have friends that say that they are confused just so they don’t have to take a side. You know who you are.
This isn’t that. I really feel torn.
As a follower of Jesus and someone that believes in the guidance and illumination provided by the scriptures, I go to them to help me understand both the events that are occurring in our world today, and how I can increasingly reflect the heart and intent of Christ.
There is a sentence in the letter that James wrote to a large number of Christians that had been spread out, primarily through the persecution they had been receiving. They had received this persecution because they were followers of Jesus and they would have had a large number among them that would have needed help. People would have needed housing, food, and shelter. The basics. James wrote his letter in a very clear, very challenging manner to a group that need both clarity and challenge.
Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us. James 1.27
“We must care for orphans and widows in their troubles…” That isn’t the only way that we demonstrate our trust in the way of Christ, but it is an important one. God seems to care a great deal for those who are disadvantaged in our world.
When I line those words up against the reality that we have a lot of people that don’t seem to have adequate health care, I can
start to see the value of expanding the health care system to accommodate as many of those people as we can. Even if it is at a personal cost to me, I am willing to look at that.
There are also numerous, equally valid, scriptures in the book of Proverbs that would state that it is foolish to walk into a dangerous situation as if it were not so. Seeing that Danny Williams, who would have the ability to truly assess his options, would opt to leave for care is disturbing. Knowing that he chose to do so in spite of the outcry it would cause makes it even more so.
What am I missing in this?
No doubt, by we have all seen the horror unfold in Haiti. A 7.0 earthquake hit right on a fault line six miles underground and ten miles southwest of Port-au-Prince and has devastated
much of the country. Already 80% of Haitians live below the poverty line with 80% in abject poverty. If you have ever been to Haiti then you know much of the country’s infrastructure has been poorly constructed and is now decimated. The worst earthquake to hit the country in 200 years.
You may know some relief organizations that are working in the area or that can mobilize quickly. If you do, give to them, if not, here are some options that we know about. Please post in and add to our list.
American Red Cross — you can text HAITI to 90999 and your cell account will be billed $10
Project Esperanza — actually located in the Dominican Republic, but works extensively with Haitian orphans in the DR, will have useful connections on the ground.
Haiti Emergency Relief Organization –
Baptist Haiti Mission — 100% of donations go to the relief effort. The BHM hospital in Fermanthe, Haiti is the only hospital serving the surrounding mountain villages.
Here are some additional agencies that I ran across on Bread for the World, a group that I am just starting to learn about, but that I really like so far. I only have a minute to post this, so no hotlinks.
* Catholic Relief Services
* Christian Reformed World Relief Committee
* Church of the Brethren
* Church of the Nazarene
* Church World Service
* Covenant World Relief
* Episcopal Relief and Development
* International Orthodox Christian Charities
* Lutheran World Relief
* Presbyterian Church USA
* Reformed Church in America
* Salvation Army
* United Methodist Committee on Relief
* World Hope International
* World Relief
* World Vision
Please add to this list or give feedback on what is already listed.
God seems to have a very important place in his heart for widows, orphans…people that are in desperate positions. We are called to love them and help them. We simply must do this now.
Micah 6.8 tells us this. “… the Lord has already told you what is good, and this is what he requires: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” This isn’t the whole story between us and God, but our care for those who need that care is a part we simply cannot afford to pass over.
Please do something, and post your ideas here for things that we can do as well.
Peace
well… here we are… 2010. wow.
so, there have been a lot of postings on the blog since i have last meaningfully posted myself. in my last post, i said that i would answer stephen’s questions of why is this an issue at all? very fair question and a good one to look at.
what have done is posted the link to a series [nlcf] did, probably 7ish years ago. it is called, the hate people. the premise is that often the church (or at least the evangelical portion of it) has been characterized by a fairly small subset of attention grabbing individuals. they believe what they say and are allowed to say it. and they get the lion’s share of the microphone time.
and they often do not at all represent what i think. or what many of my friends think.
so we posed the question, are Christians the hate people? we seem to be known for what we are against, what we picket, what we protest. is that a clear representation of Christ’s heart for our generation?
we asked the questions: does God hate those who worship other religions, homosexuals, the environment and women? all issues that we felt were very intense, and ones where i (and many others) would say our views are misunderstood or misrepresented.
i include the talk i did on the issue of homosexuality with a few caveats. the first; remember, i did this talk six or seven years ago. you will notice that i use you know quite a bit, i also really seemed to like the phrase, these things. you will hear it. alot. sorry. essentially, as a communicator i was still reasonably new, so you will see some of that. also related to that, i have a misstatement about the old testament. i essentially said it did not apply any longer. i was referring to how some components don’t, you will see that when you hear the comment. it just came out wrong.
secondly; some of the terms i used then would be different now. partially that is because i have some greater clarity on how some of those terms can strike people, and some of that is from the fact that preferences about some of those terms have changed over the years.
thirdly, as my life with God continues, i continue to grow and evolve in my understanding of who He is and how He feels about humanity and the universe we inhabit. so to say that my views are exactly what they were when this talk was given, would be to assume that i haven’t grown or changed at all. i will say that some of my views have changed, but enough are similar enough, that this talk still describes my views well.
finally, my friend chris backert handled two of the talks. he and i were very close then and are still today, but i make no claims as to whether or not he holds all of the views he shared exactly as they were shared then.
as for the myriad of questions and accusations or indications of frustration at what i am doing or not doing/thinking or not thinking/representing or not representing, by supporting my friend… i will look at those again over the next few days and decide if i feel that i need to reply to any of them. i am aware of some peoples’ perceptions of me based on my views. i am not sure anything i say will convince anyone differently and will hope that those who know me the best will see Christ the most clearly in me. while many of them were either frustrating or hurtful to read, discussion like this one will bring those out. it is what it is, eh?
peace.
(title and first line edited from earlier version)
I have a friend who is same sex attracted.
The friend I am talking about would technically be considered a non-practicing male homosexual. He would also describe himself as someone who struggles with his same sex attraction.
And today we will speak for himself. I asked him if he would answer a few questions and he has done so. I am sure he will take your questions as well…
So… my friend…
What’s the most difficult part of dealing with homosexuality, and how does being a leader in a church make that worse?
I can only speak for my experience, although I’ve heard many homosexual Christian men say the same thing, that loneliness is the most difficult part of this. The unmet longing for companionship and intimacy. Some days that longing is literally an aching in my chest, like someone is squeezing my heart. Imagine watching all your friends grow up, graduate from school, marry their sweetheart–you know, progress through life normally–while you stay stuck in singleness, not because you’ve chosen it, but because you’re attracted to the same sex, and acting on that would violate your faith. It’s awful. Leadership in the church brings its own loneliness. People look at you like you’ve got your act together, like you’re just a little bit, if not a lot, closer to God than everyone else. They set you apart–alone–in the their minds. And since the church hardly understands homosexuality or how to address the people affected by it, there is a strong temptation to just hide, to be alone with your thoughts and not let anyone know what’s going on in you.
You’ve talked about feeling alone. Do you ever feel angry? What makes you angry?
Great news! The audiobook version of Matt Rogers‘ When Answers Aren’t Enough is here. You can download it from iTunes or Audible.com. Just search for Matt Rogers at either online store and you’ll find it.
Please help spread the word, too. Could you blog about it? Post a link on your Facebook wall? Mention it in your Facebook status? Tweet about it if you’re on Twitter? If you know someone who prefers hearing books to reading them and who might find solace in what Matt has written, could you point them to the audiobook? You can even give the book to someone through iTunes. Look for the “Gift This Audiobook” link.
Thanks for helping get out the word!
(title and first line edited from earlier version)
I have a friend who is same sex attracted.
The friend I am talking about would technically
be considered a non-practicing male homosexual. He would also describe himself as someone who struggles with same sex attraction. The term “gay”, in its more specific usage, tends to refer to those who have embraced or identified with the homosexual community. My friend has not.
I actually have a number of friends that would describe themselves as same sex attracted. Some very much wish they were not, and others are embracing of it. But this isn’t about them, it is about this one friend.
I also know that some may wonder about my “friend”. Am I making up the friend idea and talking about coming out 
myself. Nope, there really is a friend. Now, I will not debate that I score very high on most metro-sexual quizzes. (My fav deals with the question “How Metro-Sexual is your worship leader?“) In fact, I think I have only been beaten by Doug Paul, who out-metro’d me thanks to the fact that he said every guy should have a “really nice pair of go-to jeans”.
Back to my friend. He is a devout follower of Jesus. A leader in his church. He was never molested. He doesn’t ever remember making a choice to be attracted to guys, he just is. (more…)
GK Chesterton, a writer and thinker of the late 1800’s and early 1900’s is one of my consistent favorites. His “friendly enemy”, George Barnard Shaw (someone else I highly respect) called him “a man of colossal genius.” Couldn’t agree more. Let these words burrow into your soul as I hope they burrow into mine. Thanks to a good and hopefully growing friend of mine, Winn Collier, for reminding me of them.
I do not deny that the world needs priests to remind us that we shall all one day die; but I insist that the world also needs another kind of priest, the poet, to remind us that we are not dead yet.
GK Chesterton
I just read a blog entry by my friend JR Briggs, who helps guide Renew Community in Lansdale PA. His post reminded me that I have been asked similar questions. So… without further ado… Why [nlcf] is a part of the Ecclesia Network.
1. The way the network has developed. What is now the Ecclesia Network started out essentially with a number of friends getting together once or twice a year to wax theologic and philosophic. We talked about what was working, what wasn’t, what excited and frustrated us. A few in that initial group were also struggling a bit, feeling somewhat out of place in the groups they were presently a part of, and others were completely on their own. Even though a lot of work has been put into this thing, primarily from Chris Backert and JR Woodward, it has developed quite organically. That has been a very reassuring part.
2. The people that are already in it. I try to convince my wife that when I go to an Ecclesia
gathering, be it a general meeting, a regional, or national gathering, that I am going to work. And she is unconvinced. I think she thinks I am having too much fun to really be working. And I do have fun. These guys have become some very close friends who I greatly respect and trust. We might be sitting on rocks in the woods smoking cigars, a cigar bar in downtown DC, or at the ONE sports bar in Sheperdstown WV that allows you to smoke cigars (catching the theme?). Other times we sit around conference room tables… anywhere really. I trust and respect many of these people so deeply that I just want to be connected with them.
3. We are living out common values often in different ways. I really love the commonality and differences in a pretty small group of churches. We are linked in our desires to truly live out the mission of God by building life on life faith communities that see the Good News of Jesus as something that should be seen and experienced as Good News. That we are called to enter into the lives of those we are around, not just those we are like. But, in that still small group, we do it differently. We try to connect to the vibes of the cultures we are in, be that inner-city life, suburban life, university town life, or something much more rural. We embrace different expressions of tradition and innovation and that allows us to learn so much from each other. Hey, some of our members don’t even blog or tweet! How’s that for differences?
4. We see the planting of churches or faith communities as central to accomplishing God’s call on our lives to see the Kingdom grow and expand. And we don’t think that is the only way it can happen. ‘Nuff said.
5. No rock stars. I like rock stars. At least I think I would if I knew any. Who knows? My point is that there isn’t anyone in particular that this group is built around. Now, here me correctly, I respect and value a number of highly impactful and influential leaders, both in the US and abroad, greatly. I also can see the results of their faith and integrity. I really do. I just also like that there is no one opinion or process that guides Ecclesia.
6. We are a more like a relational network, or hub, than a denomination. Ecclesia isn’t looking to set policy in your church or ministry. We are simply wanting to make you aware of resources that could assist what you are doing, be that people that are doing similar things, learning opportunities that you might not otherwise interact with, or processes that you think could be helpful.
7. We need Ecclesia. It isn’t good for [nlcf] to be out completely on its own. We need accountability, challenge, support, and input. We need the larger body of Christ watching what we do and helping us to see things we might miss. And we need to be able to do that for others. We are called to walk in submission to others and to allow God to use us to speak into others as well. Ecclesia provides a wonderful place for us to do just that.
Questions and stories – these are some of the honest ways we humans grapple with God and faith. By this count, Jim Pace is a very honest writer, a storyteller with the courage to help us face our deepest questions.
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