i have been having a great conversation with curtis. i fear i have slowed it down due to my lack of time to respond to some of his posts, but i have been enjoying it greatly. i thought i would shift from yet another reply string and bring it back up to the top of the page. one of my much more web-savvy friends (describes almost everyone under the age 50) suggested i do this and it helps to keep me from feeling the guilt of not updating my blog since dec 3!
so… away we go…
the point has been made, by curtis and many others, that i am doing a couple of things. 
the first is that i am likely being a smidge old fashioned (as proven by my use of the word”smidge”). that essentially culture, and science along with it, have moved past this point where i seem to be stuck.  that most of our culture no longer has an issue with homosexuality, and to the extent that i do, i am running counter to a very positive cultural current. in that process i am also ignoring the evidence that demonstrates that i am wrong in a couple of ways. the first is that i am wrong for supporting my friend in his desire to move out of his same sex attraction and that i need to acknowledge that no one can realistically make that change.
excellent thoughts, and if i am honest, all ones that i have deeply considered over the years. i have heard that (author of and ), when asked about his view on homosexuality, said that if you don’t have any friends that are same sex attracted, you cannot have an opinion. Â while that is a bit strong for me, i agree with part of his point –if he even said it in the first place :). Â his point is this is a very personal and emotional issue. this is one of those issues that requires you to look into it closely and see the personal impact your views can have. Â i have been greatly helped by a number of my friends over the years that are same sex attracted, whether wanted or unwanted.
here is my initial response to them.
the first, and most simple piece to reply to is the one that no one can realistically shift their attraction.  the most honest thing i can say; that is an oversimplification of the human soul to say it is incapable of that  shift. i have friends that have done so, meaningfully and realistically. in my experience walking people through any number of situations, both good and bad, i have learned that we are capable of amazing things when we are convinced they are correct and possible. i will get to what i think happens when you combine the individual work of God into the situation later.
as to the current trajectory of our cultural support of homosexuality and the scientific evidence that supports that trajectory, that is a bit more involved.
let me first tell you that i am a fan of the DSM (short for Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). during my undergraduate work at virginia tech as a psychology major, i got to know that thing very well. i believe it was the DSM -IVR at the time. since that point an updated version () was adopted and the new DSM V is slated to be produced sometime in 2012 if i am not mistaken.
here is why i like the DSM. the practice of psychology (and psychiatry in many ways) is a
strong blend of art and science. there is an enormous amount of scientific study that has been done on various treatments of various mental disorders. so we have a lot of guidance on what research has shown throughout the years. the (American Psychological Assoc) and its contributing members, have done us a great service.
as is true of any social science, it can be quite difficult to isolate specific causes or effects in those studies. please, hear me, i am not setting up a strawman argument here, there is quite a bit of excellent research that has occured. my only point is that social scientific research is not often able to just control one variable at a time. what this does is it requires the practice of psychological therapy to be that blend of art and science that i mentioned before. clinitians take what has been demonstrated through the research and then apply it to their clients in the way they see fit.
what the DSM has brought to the table over the past 50-ish years is a way to normatively describe approaches that have the most support anecdotally, as well as from the research available. i really like that. it gives a bit of consistency to the practice of psychological therapy while allowing the art to still be expressed.
i also like that the DSM is regularly (but not often) updated. the measures that the APA and the (and likely others) have enacted to be as effective as possible are impressive. truly.
i would also agree that the APA has determined based on research that homosexuality is simply an alternative to heterosexuality, with no need to be “cured”- and those that demonstrate this preference should be encouraged to be accepting of it and the rest of society should as well.
here is where i would see things a bit differently.
the goal of the DSM is to provide a norming reference based on the research that has been done and reviewed. Â it is also very much a work in progress. Â there have been instances where (attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder to name one) there has been a fair bit of back and forth adjustment based on newer and newer findings. Â that the therapeutic response, and even the need for a therapeutic response, changes. Â again, that is good! Â but it does show that what is reflected in the DSM now might not be reflected in it later.
another issue is that mandate requires the influence of religious belief, while acknowledged, to be  marginalized.  i am not suggesting there is any ill-intent, but matters of meaningful faith often fall outside of the pervue of the DSM. now, i am not suggesting that faith is the only means by which someone could meaningfully walk away from same sex attraction.  i am only suggesting that faith issues can be very meaningful impactors on therapeutic outcomes and they aren’t handled normatively in the DSM.
the more heavily my friend relies on his faith (in his case, the power of the Holy Spirit), the more outside the normed range of the DSM his situation falls. Â now he is heavily involved in therapy as a component of this process. this isn’t a case of someone behaving as if they just sit still and hope in God all their problems magically go away. Â he is approaching this process utilizing well researched and documented methodology in concert with his faith.
his view, and mine, is this. Â God created us and deeply loves us. Â we chose to walk away from him and his love. Â he has allowed us do this, not because it was his desire, but he was honoring ours. Â in doing this, we opened ourselves up to countless things that he did not intend. Â but God takes our desire for freedom from him very seriously. Â so he allows an awful lot of stuff that ranges from the truly evil (like what has occured in rwanda and the sudan) to those things that simply run counter to his plan for our world (my friend and i would put his same sex attractions, and my attractions to women that aren’t my wife in this camp). Â we would say that all of them are wrong, in that they depart from God’s will, but clearly their are varying levels of harm they can bring on others.
my friend and i believe that God came back as Jesus the Christ.  he showed us how God would have us live, how he would have us care for others, and love one another and the creation more purely and less exploitively.  he then took the accumulated penalty for all the rebellion of humanity from the past, present and future.  he died with that penalty on him, and when he rose again he showed that penalty wasn’t stronger than the love and power of God that brought his body back to life.  essentially that God was stronger than even death.  if we acknowledge our need to be forgiven for what we have done and if we acknowledge that we are separated from God and cannot fix that on our own.  that we simply need to be forgiven for it all, God does what he has always wanted to do.  be with us.  we are forgiven, reconnected and brought into this adventure of loving and caring for the world the way God always intended us to.
here is where all this starts to matter for our discussion. Â the Holy Spirit is the part of God that raised Jesus from the dead and that same Spirit fuses himself to ours. Â that power then becomes available to us to help us to both feel and care for others like God does, and to more and more live as he has always wanted us to. Â we get brought into this amazing adventure of demonstrating through our lives the life that God would desire to give us all.
my friend deeply believes that the Holy Spirit will give him the strength he needs to walk through these attractions into what attractions he would prefer to have.
i realize how insane that can sound to someone who doesn’t believe in the presence of a God who is that strong and loving.  how misguided it can seem.  but, my friend and i deeply believe God is real.  we have had experiences with him that confirm those beliefs, our study of the scriptures comfirms that.
and we have friends who have done it.
simply put (might be a bit late for that eh?) my friend has unwanted same sex attraction. Â my friend believes that these attractions are outside the will of God. Â my friend doesn’t think they are worse than other things that fall outside of that will, but they are outside it. Â my friend is allowing a combination of very satisfying therapy (he has very much enjoyed that process) AND his faith to direct him in the direction he has sensed the Lord guiding him to.
i am excited for him.
he will be on the blog in just a few days…
