On Sunday, one of my closest friends in the world, , told about an issue that he doesn’t want in his life – he told [nlcf] about his struggle with homosexuality. It was a very brave thing to do, as there are people in [nlcf] that will be frustrated at him for struggling with homosexuality while being on staff with a church, especially in the role of pastor. And they will share that frustration with Matt.
There are also people in [nlcf] that will be frustrated by Matt’s belief that homosexuality isn’t something that lines up with God’s plan for us, and as such, he is working to shift to a heterosexual orientation. They would see that plan as unwise and the issue of his sexuality to be a neutral one. And they will share that frustration with Matt as well.
Those of you that have been following the thread about my friend who struggles with his homosexuality… this is the friend. Those that have been reading the blog will notice I changed the title of this thread. Both Matt and (I believe) Curtis made the point I should change it. So…viola…
I thought Matt spoke about his life in a very open, honest and thoughtful way.
I asked if I could share his story.
He graciously agreed.
Matt? …
said...
1Has anyone considered the terrible series of events that brought Matt to where he is today? I don’t mean speculation about childhood “damage” that affected his sexuality. I mean his perceptions about the people in his life that made him overwhelmingly apprehensive about sharing his inner struggle. Are we giving the right impression if it took 15 years of depression and self-loathing to open up?
02/10/10 7:06 AM | Comment Link
Matt said...
2Hey David. You might have the wrong idea about why I didn’t tell anyone sooner. A few thoughts, numbered an organized because that’s how my mind works:
1) I can trace signs of my depression back as far as second grade. For much of my life, the mood disorder was not connected to sexuality. Likely, I would deal with depression even if my attractions were heterosexual.
2) No one taught me to hate myself. Most of my shame was self-inflicted, the result of growing up realizing how different I was from most of my peers. As I’ve seen very recently, I never had anything to fear from my friends. They’ve been wonderful. I can’t blame others for the shame I felt. I shamed myself. Certainly, nobody in my life “made” me apprehensive.
3) Shame and fear were not the only reasons I kept my struggle private. I simply did not want my sexual attractions to become the center of my life. I had other goals, which included writing books. Had I opened up then, I would have been terribly distracted. I knew once I was public with this, I’d spend a great deal of my time writing about it and responding to other people’s praise or problems with my decisions. I just decided a year ago that I was ready for that.
4) Part of growing up means taking responsibility for our actions. No one made me keep quiet. I chose to. And I think the time spent dealing privately with my struggle before opening up was mostly helpful, and I’d likely do it again. I made the decision. It was mine, and mine alone.
02/10/10 3:15 PM | Comment Link
Anonymous said...
3We have a powerful Lord who has no limits. When we put our trust in the Lord all things are possible. Just as Job went through suffering, he kept the faith, and was blessed in the end. I believe that the Lord will bless you as well. You are in my prayers Matt.
02/11/10 10:50 AM | Comment Link
said...
4Hi Jim and Matt! I’ve been following the blog and have been reading about this from the far-away land of Clemson. Matt, it is very brave of you to share all you’re going through. Thanks for keeping us in the loop of your life and involved in your struggle. When you feel ready/inspired, I would love to read your blog regularly again. Hope you will continue to share insight through the journey. All the best!
02/18/10 5:58 PM | Comment Link
Kevin said...
5Just getting caught up on Jim’s blog entries and wanted to send out my support for Matt. I am continually frustrated how homosexuality is used as a political carrot to get to people to vote one way or the other. I may be wrong, and please feel free to set me straight, but I view homosexuality on the same moral plain as lying, stealing, adultery, cheating on your taxes, etc. Are people born that way? We are all born that way! We all are born with a sinful nature and a desire to follow after the flesh. And when we become a Christian the flesh is still there so the temptations don’t just go away. I also think based on our experiences we do lean towards certain sins. Mine was lying and stealing – and I was darn good at both. But thieves and liars are looked at as having poor judgment, homosexuals are looked at as being an abomination to God. All sin is against God – even those little white lies and times you stretch the truth to make yourself look better than you really are (pride).
So, who is right? Church culture (notice I did not call it Christian or Biblical) says homosexuals should be cast out of the church and going to burn in Hell. Pop culture says homosexuality is normal, okay, and should be accepted on the same level as heterosexual.
The answer in my opinion is that they are both wrong. Neither is Biblical.
We have all sinned and we all fall short. And the church (which is not a building or a denomination – it is the collective group that follows Christ) should be supporting other believers in love and acceptance. Just read Paul’s letter to the Corinthians. They were a group of believers who were having sex with all kinds of people (men, mothers, daughters, etc.). They were also getting drunk at the Lords Supper and then having orgies. Jerry Springer could have made 10 seasons of shows with what was going on there (a little background: The main part of Roman and other pagan worship was to get drunk and have wild orgies on their god’s altar. So that is what these people grew up knowing and doing before they heard about Christ).
And how does Paul refer to them? He calls them “Saints.” Why did they call them saints? Cause they were. Are homosexuals today who have put their faith in Christ saints? Of course. So are liars, adulterers, thieves, murderers, etc.
If they are not then Christianity is no different than Hinduism, Buddhism, or any other religion or faith. All religions require works. Christianity requires faith and we are afforded grace – not because we earned it or are good enough. The Gospel is NOT “believe in the Lord Jesus …. and then stop sinning” to be saved. It is by grace through faith alone. And even that is not of ourselves.
Sorry for going so long and making this more about me than about Matt but I am sick of churchianity and had to vent a little.
03/31/10 7:10 AM | Comment Link